No Knock Outs Allowed - Learn How To Fight With Your Spouse
"I walk around the ring but I never take my eyes off my opponent. Even if he s ready and pumping, and cant wait to get his hands on me. I keep my eyes on him. I keep my eyes on him. Then once I see a chink in his armor, boom, one of his eyes may move, and then I know I have him. Then once he comes to the center of the ring he looks at me with his piercing look as if he s not afraid. But he already made that mistake when he looked down for that one tenth of a second. I know I have him. He ll fight hard for the first two or three rounds, but I know I broke his spirit. During the fight I m supremely confident. I m making him miss and I m countering. I m hitting him to the body; I m punching him real hard. And I m punching him, and I m punching him, and I know he s gonna take my punches. He goes down, he s out. I m victorious. Mike Tyson, greatest fighter that ever lived"
To all Dad's, this is a video to show your sons when teaching them how to become men and how to defend themselves. Heck teach your daughters this too while your at it. This is a great talk to have with the kids when the time comes but to all husbands please read this next sentence carefully,
DO NOT TAKE THIS APPROACH WITH YOUR WIFE!
Go with the grain
Christina (My wife) has told me on more than one occasion, "you fight against me and not with me." On that, I had no choice but to agree. Our arguments became so intense because I made it a personal mission to tire her out with rhetoric to the point of complete submission.
Newsflash guys: Relationship conflict is not a contact sport. There is no real victor in the end. As soon as that is clear, you can begin to fight the right way.
One important disclaimer: To fight, disagree and quarrel is human. I find it sad when couples announce with pride that they "never, ever fight." Give me a break. You never, ever fight? Well, do you ever have sex?
Other than sex, no act is more natural. Sure it may be unpleasant. The alternative however, is to suppress personal expression. And that is no good. When done right, a fight is productive and even helpful to a relationship.
Address the current fight
Simple advice, but for many, a major roadblock to conflict resolution. The ride is smooth (as smooth as a fight can be), the end is in sight, then all of a sudden, wham! , you remind your wife about why she was wrong the last time there was a major argument.
Bad move slick. Never, ever, rehash the past. Leave it there and focus on the fight at hand. Disagree, rant and rave all you want. Just be sure to make it all about the current problem and not one that she left for dead a year ago.
Avoid the blame game
Again, as a man, it may feel good to "win" the battle and come out on top. But appearances can be deceptive. What you conclude as a victory is a complete loss in the long run, when you factor in her resentment toward you and the lack of goodwill on her part.
If you push her to admit she was wrong, apologize and break down in tears, what do you suppose that will do to her long-term love for you? Not a pretty picture is it? Take your finger out of her face and remember, this is your woman. Love her even when the going is rough. She is not the enemy.
Discuss and fight like an adult
Contrary to popular opinion, a fight need not be a verbal brawl. It can fall into the domain of courteous debate and expression. Not to say that you have to screen every word and be fake, but at the same time, keep that temper in check.
Lower your voice and avoid the exaggerated body language. Never, ever be aggressive toward your lady love in a physical way (duh!). Be a gentleman and have some respect, not just for her, but also for yourself. One tip I recommend is to approach an argument as if a camera is on the two of you.
If you had to watch yourself, would you be embarrassed? Think about that the next time your emotions get the better of you. More important to consider, however, is the fact that the louder, more aggressive and hostile you become, the less sense you make to the other person. The more civilized you are, the more open she will be to hear what you have to say. So calm down and take a deep breath before you blow up.
Fight like a gentleman
The bottom line for us as men is to realize that we usually fight in a different manner than women. But our logical, competitive nature cannot dominate our relationship conflicts. We lose out in the end that way. Therefore, we have to make it our mission not to cower or repress our outrage, but to remain open, respectful, compassionate, and communicative.
And remember that overall, indifference and not anger or wrath is the real enemy in a relationship. The day you, or your partner, stops caring about the outcome or resolution of a fight, is the day the love is over.